Here are some thoughts that really moved me during my devotional time today! These are quotes from Jack Hayford…

Let us go up at once and take possession, 
for we are well able to overcome . 
Numbers 13:30

Caleb saw the same giants and walled cities as the other spies, but the ten spies brought back a “bad report” of unbelief. Caleb, however, declared a conviction, a confession, before all Israel: “We are well able to overcome it.” He along with the others had carefully surveyed the land; he had seen, so his faith was not blind. Faith does not deny the reality of the difficulty; rather, it declares the power of God in the face of the problem.

Though his faith-filled report was rejected by the majority, Caleb stood his ground in faith, but still moved in partnership and support alongside those whose unbelief delayed his own experience. He demonstrated a remarkable combination of faith and patience. Caleb’s eventual possession of the land at a later date indicates that even though delays come, the declaration of faith will ultimately bring victory to the believer.

Let patience and faith work together to see you through the struggle and into the fulfillment of the promise.

“If a man is honest with others
And with himself…
If he receives gratefully and gives quietly…
If he is gentle enough to feel
And strong enough to show his feelings…
If he is slow to see the faults of others
But quick to discover their goodness…
If he is cheerful in difficult times
And modest in success…
If he does his best to be true to his beliefs…
Then he is truly an admirable man.”

Author Unknown

I recently rediscovered this poem I was given long ago. It got me to thinking. And let me just say that’s dangerous! Over the past two years I once again found myself asking questions. Things like, is this really all there is to life, to ministry, to my marriage, my family life, to God’s calling?

Recently I have come to the place where I am beginning to think that the most important question that any person can ask himself or herself is: Who am I and what am I called to do?

What is often unnoticed is what is wrapped up in these types of questions. That binging the needed soul search of “what do I really believe about me, about life and about God?” That keeps a man like me focused!

I would not consider myself “critical” of the church culture of which I have been a part of for over two decades in various leadership capacities rather I call it discerning.

And after taking a step back this past year, I have to admit that I am extremely fatigued and disillusioned by the way in which the Christian church culture continues to function in America.  We have our Superstars, our up and comers, our wanna-bee’s and those who never were or will be. It’s frankly ridiculous the way we define ourselves in Christ and how we define others who are in Christ. I think it makes God want to barf!

Candidly after seeing several of my friends who have issues, (like we all don’t) removed by men from their ministries and others ignored for positions and correction. Well let me just say…all of this nonsense has left me a little cynical, jaded and not truly certain of what I think about the Western Church culture other than realizing we need an enema!

If I had to be direct, which I generally am, I have discovered that it is not difficult to find many tired, weary, and over worked leaders and members in the church at large.  In fact, I don’t have to look most days any further than the mirror that reflects my aging face to see this.

Moreover, after twenty years of full-time ministry, I found myself extremely unhappy, dissatisfied, disillusioned and asking constantly, “Is this it?” Recently, my 14-year-old daughter made a statement about our family that made me realize that much of what we call the Christian life is really an illusion played out for others to see, which left me crying out in my prayer time GOD HELP US !! (Western Christian People)  Because I realize it’s not just us!

Let me be clear, I am not disillusioned, dissatisfied, disheartened or even unhappy with Jesus but rather with the church and all the denominational politics, the focus on numbers rather than true disciples, the constant unhealthy comparisons, the mailers, the entertainment, the advertisement, the bad T.V and the over all crap we call church in America!

If truth were to be know I can no longer stomach the things we attach the name of Jesus to and call them prophetic, holy, miraculous or any other pseudo spiritual name we think will give our own agendas enough weight to be advanced.

I am so tired of going to workshops, seminars and conferences on healing, miracles, worship, evangelism, church growth and the pathetic…oops I intended to say prophetic. I just want to do it! I don’t want to talk about it anymore, read about it anymore I just want to see, it, witness it, give testimony about it and just do it! I just want to see myself; my family and those I Shepard do what Jesus did! It’s just that simple!

I know, I know, this, attitude according to our current Christian climate and culture, is not KOSHER.  I know, I Know I am the troublemaker over here in the corner! Yet, the more I speak to leaders, and “common church members” (like there is anything else)the more I find this dilemma and longing universal.

Since this is my blog that I doubt few will read it, let me just say…unhappiness or just the over all feeling that something isn’t right in what we do in the Church in America is not stomached very well in the circles of fellowship and in the hallowed halls of ministry.

What is even more saddening is when it is expressed many jump to conclusions that this must be due to something the believer has done or not done that is in the arena of sin or unhealed brokenness in our lives!

I would have hated to hear what these “Church Ladies” (thanks Dana Carvey for the laugh) would have said about Jesus when He got upset and over turned the tables in the temple.  Being upset is just not to be in today’s feel good, bible lite, easy believe-ism, seeker sensitive culture. I know, I know I’m the party pooper!

The fact is I am tired of hearing cliché states that go something like this…”If you read your Bible everyday and pray, and attend church regularly, tithe you should be happy, health and wise?” REALLY!! GIVE ME A BREAK! I am not that dumb!

This is where many believers find themselves all alone in the midst of a crowd, who for the most part, “appear” happy. I often wondering after studying the word, praying and seeking God’s face, did I miss something?

So how has this affected my belief system you ask?  Well if you can’t tell by now, I have been affected greatly!  Frankly, I have a very hard time picturing Christ pleased! I want to be an admirable man, I desperately want to hear will do good and faithful servant, yet, I feel like I have no real avenue, no true platform to call the church to repentance and renewal! This is a message few want to hear! So I find myself living life in quite desperation! Having a voice deep inside that is screaming to be heard. Yet, feeling marginalized by those who God called to Shepard, come alongside of and mentor me.

That all being said, I just can’t help but believe we are missing something in the church today.  Moreover, we are missing this same something in our personal lives…That Something is true, genuine, vital, relevant, practical. It is something Holy, Something Power-filled and Powerful.

When I look at our churches today I get the uneasy feeling that in many cases we have replaced truth with preference, character with personality, anointing with charisma, repentance with forgiveness, sacrifice with prosperity, obedience with pragmatism, modesty with glamour, separation with worldliness, and worship with entertainment.

How has this happened, I think it has to do with the fact that we have failed to, or stopped ask the right questions? So, let me end this rabid trail, oops I meant to say rabbit trail.

So, back to the above poem, that started this whole process. The poem has caused me to once again examine myself concerning being true to my beliefs… why? Because a person’s belief system is not meant to be static same as always.

Doctrine and denominationalism is the Skelton of what we believe, yet, relationship, real relationship with the Holy Spirit and one another is what gives us skin, a heartbeat and true life and is ever growing and evolving! If you are apart of a church and are not growing and transitioning, you not living, and therefore not transforming.  Christianity is a transparent journey that is to be lived out relationally with others and with Jesus!

Last time I read my Bible, I read that we are commanded to love one another warts and all; by this all men will know you belong to Jesus! This allows us each day to grow and be transformed into the image of Jesus and not succumb to joining the “Society Of Secret Sinners” because of undo judgment. Let me be honest, I don’t claim to have all the answers, I am just revaluating the questions of my heart.

Thus if you have the occasion to hear me teach or preach, please understand that there is a question behind every sermon, Biblical lesson, group discussion or worship encounter I am involved in. And know I am pressing us toward deeper and stronger relationships with God and with one another. Because this is the avenue where we can discover the answers.  (Oh yeah, by the way, I am ok without an answer.)  I frankly fear those who have an answer for every question concerning faith and life. Sometimes there is no human answer, no Sunday School solution, just simple childlike faith in God that allows us to be people who are admirable, who truly fear God, (That is to say, people who are afraid to try and live life without God) who are often far removed from the superstars and self-help prosperity preaches we hear everyday leading us to places I dare not go! I guess what I am saying is don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions, to seek after the difficult answers and don’t settle especially if you are like me in the end wanting to be an Admirable man!